Just your usual long-weekend Sunday night panic

Spent a large chunk of the Thanksgiving break running finite element code in an attempt to get some results that actually make sense.  Basically came up empty handed – even when no warning/error messages pop up, my stress results are off by a ridiculous amount.

And it’s really starting to freak me out.  Research has turned into this exhausting cycle of running code, swearing at the results, fixing code using every bit of knowledge and trouble-shooting skill that I have, and re-running the code, swearing at the results, and so on for what is going on several MONTHS.

My advisor can give me suggestions as far as theory and general modeling, but can’t really help with the actual implementation.  The instructor of the course that I’m in has been extremely helpful, but admits that’s it’s a tricky problem and he hasn’t dealt with it much before.  And I leave that class in a couple of weeks, which will make it much more difficult to ask him for help.  Everyone around here is busy as hell and I hate bugging people for help when I don’t have anything to contribute back.

I’m afraid I’ll never figure this out and I’ll never graduate.  And I’ll be *that* grad student – you know, the one that looked good on paper and then turned out to be a total waste of time and resources.  If I wasn’t at least TAing for my stipend I’d feel like a total ass.

Went for a run to clear my head and then spent most of it fighting off a panic attack.  Not helpful!

Ah well, enough ranting.  Just need to keep throwing myself at this problem and hopefully I’ll break through the wall before it’s too late…

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