This break has been amazing, but has also brought some tough issues back to the forefront of my mind. I have absolutely loved getting a chance to see old friends, hang out with my parents, and get out for some gorgeous, sunny runs between bouts of thesis writing. However, I’ve also had to deal with an overwhelming number of “so, what are you going to do after you graduate?” type questions. And since I don’t even have a defense date set (gah, I reaaaalllly need to get on that!), AND won’t *actually* graduate til August anyway, AND currently feel crushed between my beloved MountainMan’s desire to live in as-far-away-from-any-major-city-as-possible-ville and my desire to have a career at least vaguely related to my current field, this innocent question is really freaking me out. I feel guilty for not knowing exactly what I want to do and even guiltier for the occasional daydreams of magically galavanting off to some awesome job in place-husband-would-nevereverever-tolerate. Ignoring reality is NOT going to solve anything.
My mom keeps pushing for the career – I get where she’s coming from, and I love her for it, but also know that she totally does NOT grasp the severity of MM’s blues in the current living situation. Or how severely those blues rub off on me. If we did a repeat of the current Big City debacle I just couldn’t handle the guilt. Those on-the-brink moments could easily overshoot the balance point. And judging by how much I’m already missing MM after a few days away, the long distance thing might be tougher than I thought. It’s just a tricky situation. I know something will work out – that we will MAKE something work out, but the overwhelming anxiety still pops up whenever I give it a chance.
Luckily, I was able to escape today into the sunny outdoors and get out of my head for a bit by putting in 6 grinding miles on the trails. 3 miles uphill gasping for air, 3 miles downhill flying and turning my quads to mush. The perfect cure for a head full of potential panic inducing fodder! I ended up weaving my way around swarms of mountain bikers, happy dogs out for hikes with their owners, and fellow trail runners. However, I got lucky with plenty of unobstructed views, temps in the 60’s (first sports bra run of the year, whoop!), and enough sun to give me a lovely pink glow even through my 50 SPF.
Why can’t I just be this happy all the time? More endorphins!!!
Falling in love with these views all over again 🙂
This pic just barely captures the colors…and totally fails to bring the redwing blackbird banter to life 😉