A long week

Oof, well that was quite the week! I’m finally sitting down with MountainMan reading and drinking some Sunday afternoon coffee. It’s been a week crammed with good and bad, stressful and fun, and I’m glad to finally have some slow, quiet time to process everything before I start again tomorrow.

The bad/stressful: 

  • 4:20am wake ups on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday + 12 hour days Monday and Tuesday due to work events/meetings.
  • MM being gone all week for a funeral 😦
  • Taking care of furbaby – fun but stressful since he seems to act up when anxious about MM being gone
  • Some disconcerting work stuff 
  • Thought MM had crashed because the 100 mile drive from the airport today took him 4 hours. Nope, he just stopped to nap and didn’t tell me
  • A crazy commute Thursday that involved bad bus schedules, lost car keys, cycling in 27 degree weather, and misplaced office keys. And then, thankfully, free bacon

The good:

  • Science club students rocked it at their final presentations! So proud 🙂 
  • Tempo run on weds started wayyyyy too fast but then I held on and managed to drop almost 20 seconds in the last mile, totally shocking myself
  • Finished another conference abstract and made good progress on the study design and budget (new skill, yay!) for a new study – actually felt focused and productive even after 2×12 hour days to start the week
  • May have found a new road bike! 
  • Found a sweeeet new dirt-road running route and got to explore it with furbaby

  • Joined the #oisellevolee team! So excited to be on a team with new and former teammates 🙂 More on this coming soon…

  • Related: Started planning my summer race season and got wayyyy too excited. All the trail races!
  • Finished up a 30-mile week (woohoo!) with a sunny, celebratory shake-out run 


After all that I’m grateful to have a few hours to relax and recharge before jumping back in to work, another week of training, and the general stress of adult life. Thank goodness for my favorite fleecy blankets, comfy old track-team sweatshirt, and decaf evening coffee 🙂

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Thank goodness for track workouts!

Reasons why I needed yesterday’s track workout:

  • I needed to spend ~5000 meters emptying my mind of all the crazy, pointless worrying that has crept in lately and instead think about nothing other than what my next split needed to be and how to strive with every stride to reach that goal.
  • I needed to get a little physical suffering in.  You can’t focus on anxiety about job searches, thesis writing, and relationships ripping at the seams when you are trying to figure out whether or not you’ll make it through the next repeat without barfing.  Yup, good times.
  • I needed the reminder that taking care of myself isn’t optional.  I can try to live on no sleep, too much coffee, and a nice diet of stress hormones…but running demands sleep, proper hydration, and a few deep breaths.

For one glorious hour I was just a runner, a 5’4″ assembly of laboring muscles strapped to a watch, a pair of legs pounding the sun-baked track.

 

What a week…

Just got done grading for the week.  Yesterday turned into a crazy marathon session of grading anguish (and, eventually, the everything-is-so-hilarious giddiness that comes with too little sleep and too much tedium).  How sad is it that those hours of brain-numbing work represent almost my entire social life for the week?  Yep, grad school is pretty cool…

Research picked up a bit – got some help with software and had a much less stressful meeting with my advisor than I expected.  I did get told that sleep and free time are “unnecessary”, which made me laugh a little.  But only in my head.  Because I’m not entirely sure my advisor was joking :S  I usually buy into the whole workaholic culture of academia and fully understand that my graduation date hangs on my efforts over the next few weeks.  However, being told straight up that I literally don’t need sleep may be going a bit far.  Unless my advisor is willing to foot the resulting coffee bill I may need to cheat and grab a few hours here and there 😉

Anyways, I had 32 hours committed to TAing this week between labs, office hours, lab prep, proctoring, and grading…just a little over the 20 hours that I’m ‘supposed’ to be doing 😛  That plus a solid 20 hours on research (and more tomorrow!) means I’ve been extremely glad to have been able to get out and enjoy some relaxing, pain free miles of running this week.  

I’m at 14 miles for the week after a quality long run today (pushed throughout and then threw in a mile of tempo on the end – down to 6:45 pace, yay!).  Heading out on the trails tomorrow for an easy 4 that will put me at 18 total.  If all feels good, up to 20 next week!  So excited 😀  

Stressed :S

Under enough pressure right now that I’m feeling guilty even while working…because I know I’m not working fast enough to actually get all the stuff done that needs getting done.  Need to figure out a more workable solution, because this is getting seriously ridiculous 😐  

And now, back to work! Yayyyy….  

Tired…

Made the mistake today of complaining about some tricky research stuff to MountainMan…got a swift, and much deserved reminder to STFU.    

If I’m not enjoying the research, what was the point of pulling MM out of a steady job and out of his favorite state, and enduring the long days away from home, and all the accompanying stress/depression (on both sides) and guilt (SO MUCH GUILT…ugh)?  And from MM’s perspective, every time I complain about what I’m doing is like telling him his sacrifices have all been for no reason.  Yay, more guilt.  *sigh*

But I’m just TIRED.  Tired of hearing my advisor tell me I just need to work more or work harder (I do need to…but I know that already, and I swear to God I am trying!).  Tired of feeling torn between success and spending time with the people I love.  Tired of students emailing me with questions that they could answer so much more easily by READING THE FREAKING DIRECTIONS.  And I’m absolutely exhausted of feeling like I’m all alone here.  I have a grand total of 1 real friend in this city, and no one I’d count beyond just acquaintances in the grad program.  Seeing the other lab groups interact makes me kind of jealous – since I’m off in no-man’s land I barely know my lab mates.  

It could be worse though – at the very least I have a stipend, am learning A TON, and, even if I don’t have many friends, at least I don’t have enemies!  And I do have an absolutely amazing husband and sister to share the fun, and not so fun, times with.  My most recent blessing – MM just got a job, so he’s making friends and getting a much needed self-esteem boost 🙂

Now, just need to conquer the TIRED with a healthy (or not so healthy) dose of caffeine and some seriously needed sleep!